Realisations
by The Lady Osipria
Summary: Abby finally realizes she's in love with Connor but out of fear and selflessness she decides to do nothing about it. One-Shot. Set in season 2 so spoilers up until then. Gives an insight into why Abby keep skirting around Connor even though we can clearly see she likes him. Some inspiration is from the quote by Hannah Spearitt in reference to Abby "She was abused as a child..."


New story

Hi guys! I've recently become once again addicted to all things Handrew and Conby and I needed to write something. Sorry to all my readers who are reading Tables Turned or Destroying Hope! I promise I'll write more again but at the moment I have no inspiration for those stories but I haven't given up on them I swear. Anyway this story is basically a drabble of Abby's thoughts about Connor and its sort of the moment when Abby realises she loves Connor. I wanted to write it because Abby seems like a complex character that has a background needing to be told. As Hannah said in an interview, "She was abused as a child." I think this is the reason she constantly pushes Connor away and I felt like I wanted to write a scene where she blatantly realises what's going on and I think she would have decided to push him away consciously eventually. This is set in season two after Caroline comes in and if you want to place it somewhere chronologically it could be around the Sabre tooth episode. I hope you guys like it as it's my first go at a one-shot and I tried to keep the character's voices accurate. Please review etc it would mean a lot and of course Primeval does not belong to me if it did there would be season 6 where season 5 left off.

Abby's POV:

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Caroline was around again and she was going out of her way to be all over Connor. Ms De'vil herself has seemed to come to the ridiculous conclusion that I have a thing for Connor. I mean sure, I guess I have been noticing him a bit more and getting more possessive but that's only because Caroline keeps getting between us and disrupting our friendship. It had become war with Caroline ever since Connor had brought her home the first time. She would go out of her way to irritate me and only out of respect to Connor did I not throw her out.

Caroline turned and looked at me then as if gauging my reaction to putting her hand on Connor's arm. I returned her glare levelly. I was not going to take her crap, especially in my own home. Connor was completely oblivious to the on-going rivalry between the two of us and continued reading his book with no fuss. I smiled painfully at her and she returned it with false politeness.

Honestly what did he see in her? Sure she was pretty but if you looked close enough you could see she was not a nice person, at all. They were not a good match. Caroline was the kind of girl that everybody would have hated in high school and all the boys would have drooled over. She was also the kind of girl who would have made fun of Connor and his friends endlessly. I scoffed at the hypocritical thought. In high school before things got bad with my mum and dad I was one of the most popular girls. Every other girl hated me and all the guys obsessed over me. I would never have given Connor the time of day. These thoughts were like a smack in the face. I've been doing the exact same thing now. Connor had been mooning over me since I met him and I just shrugged his advances off because he was a little nerdy and skinny and not at all like my usual type. I always went for big strong guys like Stephen who I knew would hurt me eventually but I was always drawn to them; possibly some unresolved issues from my childhood. Thinking back I'd never noticed properly how hurt Connor had looked when I had asked him if Stephen was interested in me. I'd also never realised how much he got defensive on my behalf when Stephen revealed he had a girlfriend.

I looked closely at him now. He'd changed. I'd never noticed until now but he had started to dress better and he had become more solid in his body instead of just plain skinny. It had taken me all this time to realise but Connor was extremely attractive. And of course my brain always had perfect timing in realising things. There was nothing I could do about my newfound awareness because Connor had a girlfriend already. She may be annoying as hell and mean but she seemed to make him happy. What right did I have to take that away from him? All I have done is make him miserable with my rejection and constant belittling. I don't deserve him. Even though I hate her, maybe Caroline is good for Connor after all. Caroline is not weighted down by all these issues and problems from her childhood that affect her life drastically like I am.

These thoughts brought on a hurricane of emotion inside of me and I couldn't control it. I was beginning to tear up because I finally realised what a horrible person I was and I didn't like it. I was also crying because I had missed my opportunity with Connor. Before the tears began to fall I stood and Caroline looked up at me, "Abby, where are you going?" she asked in a fake sweet voice. Connor looked up then in interest and I had to fight to keep the emotions out of my voice, "I'm going up to bed, I think I've got a bit of a headache." I began to make my way to the stairs which led to my room when I couldn't help but look back at Connor. He was looking at me with concern. That was the thing that confused me so much. I was so horrible to him and he just always looked out for me. I smiled reassuringly at him and with an unconvincing smile back he went back to his book.

As I reached my room and shut my door the tears began to fall and I threw myself on my bed. This was when I made a decision. I was not going to pursue my feelings about Connor. I was going to let him be happy with Caroline. I was emotionally toxic and damaged goods. He deserved better and I was not going to ruin it for him. I didn't know how to deal with emotions and opening up to people and Connor deserved someone who could do that because he was always so open. You could always tell what Connor was feeling because he wasn't afraid to show it. He was so good and there was no way I was going to bring him down with me. I would just be his best friend and love him from afar. That was enough wasn't it?

Soon though I heard knocking on my door and I hastily wiped the tears away. "Abby?" Oh great! It was Connor. I couldn't deal with this now and I did not want him to see me like this. I cleared my throat trying to get all traces of my tears out of my voice.

"Yeah?" I called back trying to sound normal. I failed of course. He would have heard my voice break and I cursed my weakness in this moment.

"Are you alright? Caroline just went home. She said she hopes you feel better," Connor replied after a pause. I scoffed and then I hoped he didn't hear that. I didn't want to start a fight with him again over Caroline.

"I'm alright Connor; I just need to get some sleep." I said in a still broken voice. I heard him sigh through the door.

"Abby you're not alright. I can hear it in your voice. Please just let me in and we can talk about it," He said in a softer voice than before. This made tears start again. He was always so sweet and kind to me and I didn't deserve it. I growled slightly. I was never this emotional usually; it must be getting close to that time of the month. I cleared my throat again.

"No Connor really I'm fine. I've just had a hard day, you know with the anomaly and everything," I tried again in a slightly annoyed voice now. I heard him chuckle slightly and I frowned.

"Right now I know you're lying. We didn't go to work today, remember. No anomalies," he said in a light hearted voice. I cursed under my breath. "Come on Abby just open the door. I will break it down if I have to…" he trailed off warningly. I huffed and stormed to the door. I opened it and his face immediately went serious as he saw the tears on my face. I crossed my arms.

"You know I could kick you out for threatening to harm my property…" I warned. He grinned at me and replied, "Yeah but then you'd miss me." I couldn't help but smile back and I stood out of the way so he could come inside.

"So what's wrong? I've never seen you this upset before; actually I don't think I've ever seen you upset period," He asked sitting on the edge of my bed. I sat across from him and bit my lip, looking down. I so wanted to tell him everything and hope he still liked me but the words just wouldn't come out.

"Hey," he said moving closer now, sitting right in front of me. He lifted my face to make me look at him, "I don't like seeing you like this Abby. You're always so strong. I can't imagine what could have made you break down like this." Staring into his eyes I saw how concerned he was and I also saw fear. It broke my heart. He was scared for me. For what must have caused this emotional break-down. I tried to smile reassuringly but it must have come out as a grimace.

"Connor really I'm okay. It's just that I've been thinking a lot today, you know with the free time and all. We're always on the run, always so busy that I never really have time to think about stuff," I explained in a level voice which finally decided to appear. He nodded seeming to understand but he didn't look ready to back off.

"What were you thinking about that made you so upset? It must have been pretty bad," he asked searching my face. I nodded slowly thinking how ironic this was talking to him about this when he was the reason I was crying. "Yeah, pretty bad…" I muttered but did not elaborate. He looked frustrated now and he produced an irritated sigh.

"Please Abby all I want to do is help and you're not really letting me. You know you can trust me. You can tell me anything," he said softening his face and putting his hand on my arm. This made me love him even more but it also strengthened my resolve. He was just such a good person always eager to help anyone and everyone, especially me. I decided a little white lie couldn't hurt just to make him feel better, except it wasn't actually a lie.

"The reason I'm upset is because I've just been thinking so much about my family lately. It wasn't a good time in my life to say the least and I'm happy to be rid of them but I just can't help thinking about them, my brother especially. I think what set it off was a call I got from my brother not too long ago. He called to tell me that my dad died. It was a mixed reaction for me I guess. I was happy but I also felt like I lost something. Before things went bad with him and mum, he meant the world to me and it was a shock I guess," I finished hoping he would let me leave it at that. It was all true what I had said though. My family had been on my mind lately and Jack's call certainly didn't help matters. Connor pursed his lips and I could see that he knew this was not the whole reason why I was upset but I could also see he was going to let me off.

"Thanks for telling me that, I know it must have been hard." He smiled at me sadly and I couldn't stop myself. I threw myself into his arms. He didn't return the hug for a few seconds out of shock but then I felt him tighten his arms around me. I buried my face into his shoulder and began to sob. He didn't know it but I was venting my feelings for him trying desperately to rid them from myself. I felt him rub my back gently, "Shhh Abby it's okay," I heard him mutter in my ear. After a while I pulled back and smiled at him weakly, "Thanks Connor, I think I needed that." He smiled back at me and stood knowing I wanted to be alone now, "It's alright. If you ever want to talk I'm here." With that he closed the door softly behind him. I sighed. I didn't know how long I could keep this lie going. Now I wanted every aspect of him it was hard to resist telling him the truth. It felt so good being held by him and I knew I had to keep my distance. I would have to keep reminding myself that he did not want me in that way anymore. That was evident by the way he acted around me after he met Caroline. Before she showed up he was always running around after me and trying to spend as much time as he could with me but when we were in the vents trying to stop the giant worms he had told ME to give him space. If this was a few weeks ago he would have been loving the fact that I was near him. He certainly hadn't tried to hide his feelings about me.

After they first met I had kind of thought I'd need to get a restraining order but I'd soon come to realise what a good friend he was so I let it slide. When he first moved in it was a little uncomfortable at first with them both being in their underwear all the time and his obvious blatant perving. I wasn't afraid of him trying anything, I could kick his butt with my hands tied but I wasn't used to having anyone around all the time. It was unfamiliar territory. After his friend Tom's death he backed off for a while because of his grief. I don't think I realised the change in my feelings that had happened subconsciously. When he first moved in I hadn't cared about walking around in my underwear because I knew I was the one in control in the situation but then after Tom's death I think that's when it changed. I saw him differently after that, I realise that now. I had just thought he was some nerd I was required to be friends with because of work but then I saw him in a new light. He was a person with feelings and he had very deep feelings. He cared so much for his friend Tom and I watched as a little piece of his innocence about the world was ripped from him and it had made me weep as I stood beside Stephen watching as his friend died in his arms. It was heartbreaking to watch someone so good and innocent in practically all senses of the word become tainted by something as heavy as grief. After that I think is when I began to feel something. I started to wear more clothing around him and I got a little more happy than necessary when he did something kind or selfless for me. I had subconsciously fallen in love with him and I had done everything I possibly could to avoid that truth because I did not know how to be in love with someone.

I lay back on the bed and I reached over, turning the lamp off. I could hear Connor watching Doctor Who in the background and I smiled. I had eventually come to love his nerdy habits, knowing that they were part of what made him Connor. Being his friend would be enough; at least for now. I knew it would not last with Caroline it was only a matter of time. Until then I would wait patiently and hope my confidence wouldn't escape me when the time was right.

A/N: Hey I hope you liked it! It was actually quite fun to write because it made me think more into things in the show. Anyway please let me know if you want any more stories like this because I think I might like to write some more if people are enjoying it. Please review and subscribe to me as author if you want to keep an eye on my other stories in case I write some more like this. Thanks for reading!


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